i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
