I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
His hands were made for my vagina.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Houston, we have a blender
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
