Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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