I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
