So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
