I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
