My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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