Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
