You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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