The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
