even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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