My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
