so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
