i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize