it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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