I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
