apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
