I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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