I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize