one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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