I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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