we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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