hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
