you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
