just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
