the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
