It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
