and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize