remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
