My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
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