I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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