He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
