So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
