I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
