i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
