I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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