So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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