i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
