Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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