Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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