And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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