youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
