i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
