Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize