talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
