apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
