we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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