I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
