$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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