booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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