then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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