then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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