week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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