i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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