Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
