what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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