I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
