OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
