my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
