Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
