The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
