Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
