Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
