God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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