i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
