Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
