I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
