I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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