I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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