No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize