We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
