If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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