naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Are my feet made of real feet?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
