dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
