this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
