Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
