He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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