Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Let's get the cat blown out
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
