I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
