You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
