Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
