You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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