Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
