Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
