i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
