if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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